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Technology I wish I had

Posted in Utterly strange, Grumbles on August 29, 2007 at 4:05 pm

Spending a weekend sitting in the dark at a horror movie festival should have been a welcome break from the world of technology, but sadly, mobile phones are totally inescapable now. If it’s not the guy sitting behind you hastily trying to figure out which pocket his phone is in so he can turn it off before it completely ruins the ambience, it’s the daft characters in yet another daft slasher movie complaining that, shockingly, they’ve got no signal out here in the bayou/backwoods/up a tree/in a swamp/in the middle of an Arctic Tundra.

There was actually a film on about what would happen if all the world’s electronics decided to transmit a signal that would send us all crazy. But I digress.

I was actually going to write a list of inventions I wish I had. Because I’m a grumpy old spoilsport. So here they are:

- A device to turn off someone else’s mobile phone - useful not only in cinemas but also on buses

- A device to turn down the sound in the cinema because Sam Rockwell is SHOUTING really LOUDLY again about ABSOLUTELY NOTHING because it’s not scary, but wow, is it LOUD

- A free-paper-giver-outter-repeller

- A non-stop caffeine dispenser that doesn’t break down when you need it most (cinema coffee machine: why must you forsake me?)

I’d also like a fast forward button for when movies really, really suck, but I think my fellow cinemagoers might have something to say about that.

So, the iPhone’s been hacked, huh?