Steve Jobs keynote speeches are always exciting. Even if I know there’s no way I’m ever possibly going to buy whatever it is he’s going to announce, I’ll still be a bit excited to watch the show. (You only have to look at previous entries in this blog to know I’m a bit of a Jobs fangirl, in spite of my best efforts to resist his charms.) I’m not entirely sure why, but there don’t appear to be scary brightly coloured spirals spinning round in his eyes while he’s on stage so I’ll assume it’s down to charisma rather than brainwashing. It’s safe, then, to say that whatever new product Steve flaunts tonight, it’ll be achingly cool and desirable as all hell.Those in the know are predicting that there’ll be some kind of new ultra-portable Mac announced. Ultra portable is, as they say, hot right now; solid state drives and touchscreens are everywhere, and Apple definitely knows its way around both of those. So there might be some new mini-laptop or tablet PC style thing on the way.

Another logical, sensible prediction is that there’ll be an upgraded iPod of some sort on the way - maybe a new Nano, with increased storage capabilities, probably 16GB. Slightly less likely-sounding rumours include the iPhone getting 3G capabilities, or possibly a bigger hard drive; or, that Apple is about to include WiMax on Apple notebooks.

Obviously there’s no way to know for sure. After all, this time last year the announcement of an Apple iPhone seemed pretty unlikely, so there’s always the possibility that Jobs could throw us a complete curveball. I’m not going to make any promises to eat various items of clothing live on telly or anything, but here are some things that almost certainly won’t be announced tonight (but would undoubtedly be cool even if they were):

- An Apple games console. Because if you think about it, the kind of thing Apple would be likely to create in the gaming arena pretty much already exists in the form of the Nintendo Wii.

- A toaster. Because that’d be daft.

- A Polaroid camera. Ditto.

- A new range of home furnishings - in a range of metallic colours, and also available in classic Apple gleaming white.

- A helicopter.

Time for a cup of coffee, now, I think. Apple probably won’t be announcing that, either.