There seems to be a lot of Facebook backlash swirling about, as there often is with anything popular. (Thankfully, I have never been popular, which is good, as I’m not sure I could take the criticism.)

Anyway, spouting off about how crap Facebook is seems to be the newest way to show how cool you are (sorry Rene). According to Everyone Else, the ridiculously-successful site’s privacy and security are bogus, the applications are horrid, it hurts productivity and my favourite: how lame it is to vomit your entire life up online to show off to a bunch of people you call your friends, when you haven’t actually spoken to them in ten years.

And while I do hate the pretentiously pouty profile pics (I know what you look like! I’ve seen you in real life! Stop pretending you’re hot!) and the my-life-is-better-than-yours showing off, I can’t really blame Facebook for the vapidity of the entire human race.

But it’s not all bad, which is why we’re all there. So in defense of a rich, successful company that doesn’t need my help, here’re my responses to the usual complaints/criticisms, numbered for no reason whatsoever:

1) What’s the point, it’s a waste of time. No one made you sign up. You can quit (unless you’re addicted, and I can’t help you with that).

2) Why would I want to hear from people I don’t really like? You can reject people. (I find it rather gratifying, to be honest.) And don’t worry about them disliking you, as you don’t like them anyway. Think about it. You can also remove them from your friend list after the fact; I’ve been planning a bit of a cull for weeks now…

3) All these people can see stuff about me! You can make it private if you’re not an idiot. If you don’t want your boss to see what you’re up to on the weekend, keep your profile private. And if you’re worried about people finding out what a freak you are, don’t post it online. Don’t blame Facebook, blame a lack of common sense. Facebook (and blogs and Flickr and the rest of Web 2.0) just highlight people’s stupidity.

4) Going down to the pub is better. Um, no kidding. Congratulations. You’re a genius. But while I’m stuck at my desk bored, unable to get to the pub with every single person I know from Canada and the rest of the world, I’ll settle for Facebook.

5) The applications are shitty.  This is true. But if you want your friends to stop trying to turn you into a zombie, just tell them off. Think of it this way: Imagine you’re down in the pub, and some drunken buddy of yours is pretending he’s a zombie, and it’s really annoying. What would you do? Ignore him until you can’t take it anymore, tell him off and then punch him. Try that, Facebook-style: ignore it, send your friend a message, then block the application. Yes, you can do that.

6) Email is better. Can’t argue that. But Facebook’s message function is a good way to send a quick note to someone and keep track of a conversation, which Gmail admittedly does as well. But Gmail doesn’t let you tag photos and videos, plan parties in three and a half minutes or play Scrabble. 

7) Productivity. If you’re wasting an excessive amount of time at work fiddling with your profile, it’s because you’re a slacker and because your boss is a poor manager. Don’t blame the internet.

Really, what I don’t understand is why people complain about a free, easy-to-use site which isn’t compulsory. I like it, as it lets me keep track of my friends around the world in an easy way — because yes, I’m too lazy to email them all constantly or even call them despite having free long distance. I do admit it is annoying to hear about Facebook all the time, but again, don’t blame Facebook, blame the media for constantly writing about it… oh, wait. I think I might be part of the problem here…

The good old Home Office is apparently considering a new use for its £1.2 billion electronic borders system.

Rather than use it to keep baddies – terrorists, illegal immigrants, etc –– out of the UK, they are contemplating using it to keep cheapos – medical fee dodgers and tax cheats – in the country… until they pay up, that is.

It’s clearly not cool for someone to come to this country (“foreign nationals,” they’re called) and rack up bills before running away without intention of paying. But I’d rather have that (and keep in mind, I am a foreign national) than have this level of function creep.

So before I fly home to Canada for Christmas, the government – oh, hell, let’s just call it The Government – will not only check if I’m on the lam from the police, or if I’m a known terrorist, but they’ll also check if I owe them money. And if I do… well, I’m not going anywhere. That freaks me out.

This technology – essentially linked up databases – has great merit for dealing with terrorists and criminals, but do we really need to use the same weapon against benefit cheats?