Business speak 2.0
By Nicole Kobie in Editorial
Posted in Uncategorized on
Going forward, end-to-end, low-hanging fruit — what are the business-speak phrases you hate the most?
The BBC has rounded up a hilarious collection of readers’ most hated office jargon. There are some great ones in there; I quite like the “idea showers”…
As a business journalist, I come across a lot of these double-speak phrases (often in press releases). Everyone loves the infamous ‘world’s leading’ claim, but I prefer the more subtle descriptions. A software product paired with services becomes a ’solution’ — a solution to what, exactly? A deal between companies is called a ’strategic partnership.’ What would a non-strategic partnership be, a random hook-up?
The word ‘leverage’ just makes me cringe, as does ‘drill down,’ and any use of ‘2.0′ not preceded by ‘Web.’
I’m also a fan of anything called an ‘enabler’ and low-hanging fruit, which would be an awesome name for a band or a really good video game, I think. (You’re a monkey, or some jungle creature, and you run around plucking low-hanging fruit from trees for points. Someone make me a flash game of this.)
For example, and thankfully I just made this up: “Thanks to our world leading strategic partnership, this business-enabler, end-to-end solution will help users drill down to leverage metrics to target those low-hanging fruit.”
What does this mean?!?! Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Instead, how about: “Thanks to the deal, our new software will let customers better look at data and hopefully make more money.”
Which sentence makes you want to buy this imaginary product… bet it’s not the first. (If it is, you need help.)
What business jargon most makes you want to start throwing punches? And which do you find yourself using accidentally? Let us know in comments below or by emailing itpro@dennis.co.uk.
Rated: 70% (4 votes)
Loading ...Comment by James H. White - June 20, 2008 on 7:55 am
4. “Incentivise is the one that does it for me.”
Karl Thomas, Perth, Scotland
Well, this led to a Regional manager coming up with “incentivisation” which she used as “This month we are applying an incentivisation in order as to help you meet targets”.
I got up, left the room and resigned that day.
Thank you, Anne, you finally forced me to go self-employed which was the best thing you could have done for me!
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