Sitting patiently on the Sharp customer support line yesterday, in kicked the latest jolly tune no doubt designed to keep my calm in preparation for the moment when I’d get to speak to a real person.

The tune in question? That classic Disney number, The Ugly Bug Ball.

An oil painting I ain’t, but it beats the ongoing Cliff Richard ditties that one firm thrust at me a few years’ ago. Actually, that tactic worked that time - I hung up long before I suspect the phone was ever going to be answered…

Can anyone top those?